Saturday, December 2, 2017

The second sex story

You must have read my first sex story here, if you haven't, you still can below. Here is another one....

Heads turned, hearts skipped and time seemed to stop whenever Dotun was near. Dotun was the representative of his department and everyone loved him, he wasn't only handsome, he was brilliant. So you can imagine how i felt the first time our paths crossed, it was at a tutorial. I had, had to approach him for "proper" explanations.
I was not good in calculations and i simply adored those who were good in it. I had also finished from an all females school and believe me when i say my knowledge about guys and their ways really sucked. The things i found embarrassing wasn't embarrassing to other girls and more annoying was the fact that I had a serious crush on Dotun.
I was angry at myself for feeling light headed and somewhat special the day Dotun asked us to study together. I was happy that we could be together for some time without any interference. Dotun must have seen in me that I was more than interested in a relationship as he asked me out some days after. I was overjoyed, my constant thoughts of can he be mine? Does he feel the same way? was over .
Our relationship blossomed and a lot of people felt we were a perfect match, we went home together, visited friends together, I was the envy of many and it felt really good.
But on valetine's day, it happened. Before then, Dotun and I had done every other thing, from kissing to touching, necking and carressing but we didn't have sex. We had promised each other to wait till we were married, I had strong beliefs then that the relationship was going to lead to marriage.


relationship-ala-sex.jpg
So on valentine's day, Dotun invited me to a special get together organised by some of his friends whom i didnt really know. We left for the venue which was a house belonging to one of them. i was a bit comfortable because i trusted Dotun and his other friends were there too with their girlfriends. After drinks, chats and lots of laughter, it was getting late and i decided it was time to leave. But Dotun urged me to stay , he promised to see me off. Suddenly everyone dissappeared into different rooms with their partners and Dotun and I were left alone. We started kissing and carressing each other. I couldn't resist, my memory got blur and the feelings of desire and pleasure took over. So much had happened during the day, lots of sweet declaration of love and the position i was at that moment with him felt just right. I lost control and i remember pulling off my last piece of clothing myself.
As we walked to my place together because i insisted i couldn't spend the night, a part of me was angry, a part felt empty, a part felt happy that i had pleased my lover but a part felt worried. We just had sex, what next? What if Dotun changed? What if he had just gotten his most desired gift from me? What if it was a bet? What if pregnancy comes? There was no protection! Dotun said goodbye when we got to my hostel and as he left i felt lonely...what was on his mind?

These series is fiction and its from my "I just had sex" series...an awareness towards the ills of sex before marriage.

Friday, November 17, 2017

I just had sex!

It was few days to Valentine, I already had an odd feeling, something different was  going to happen this particular Valentine. I could feel it considering the fact that I just recently said "yes" to Yanju. My heart skipped even at the thought of him.

Wednesday, October 25, 2017

7 PROVEN WAYS TO DEAL WITH PAIN

Pain has never been easy..it has always been a difficult pill to swallow. Writing about pain itself has made me realise that no amount of words can fully express how pain feels and what pain is. If you doubt me,  ask a Lady who just lost her baby or a man who just got robbed.
Yes, pain comes in different forms.
The longer you stay alive, the more you realise that pain is a phenomenon that virtually everyone on earth has to undergo at some points. It  doesn't only mean physical pain but psychological and emotional. Physical pain hurts less. 
Anyway nothing lasts forever, this is why from experience I have been able to summarize how I believe one can get over pain in this 7 points:


1. Accept that something happened to you and you are not the only one having to deal with pain.
It is usually good when one accepts bad situations and pain instead of denying or pretending it never occurred. Accepting helps you to heal faster.


2. Talk about it but only when you are ready. Do not rush things or allow yourself to be rushed, take your time.

3.Let yourself be vulnerable. Be open and allow friends to help you. Worthy and reasonable friends I mean, there has to be someone you can trust and if there isn't , well talk to God 

4. Do not mask the pain
I know a friend who goes into the bush or open space to scream out loud each time she is angered , pained or vexed. She comes back feeling better, that works for her. Find out what works for you. Alcohol is not and has never been an option!

5.  Do what you love , keep yourself busy
This helps you occupy your mind and you think less of your sorrows. There has to be something productive you love doing which also gives you joy.

6. Cherish memories
You don't have to forget  or mask memories, cherish your good memories and bad memories, sometimes this helps you  to reflect and improve.

7 Finally, give yourself time to heal
Don't rush it, but have it at the back of your mind that you have to heal.

Do not live in a fantasy thinking life is smooth and rosy for everyone. No it isn't and when hitches or challenges come you should face them head on and deal with it.

Sunday, October 1, 2017

October 1 : Does 57 look good on Nigeria?


A land of great resources, a land birthing talents and greatness, a land upheld by God despite her flaws. Blessed beyond measure, a land of heroes and intellectuals coupled with rogues.
Nigeria at 57, how far? Its not wrong to say Nigeria has improved in some areas especially infrastructures although we are not there yet. Looking at some of the states of Nigeria there have been more industrial constructions, roads and bridges although  some roads are still left unattended to. Federal government declared recently that our economy has improved and government has been able to keep Nigeria as 1, no major wars against all odds, well that is an achievement in a way but some situations have not changed.

Nigeria has remained a middle-income, mixed economy and emerging market, with expanding manufacturing, financial, service, communications and entertainment sectors. For purchasing power parity comparisons, the US dollar is exchanged at 1 USD to within 314.27  to 350 Nigerian Naira as of 2017.

We still incure debts , importing crude oil into the country and striving to sell it at subsidized rates when we can develop our own refineries.  We are also still selfish and inconsiderate as 85 percent of our oil blocks are owned by notherners and there is still struggle over the remaining 15percent.  We are still at a far cry from equity and inflation is still on parade.
Due to inflation, per capita GDP today remains lower than in 1960 when Nigeria declared independence and about 33% of the population still lives on less than 500 naira  per day.
The socio-economic quagmire being experienced by Nigerians, has undermined many aspirations, dampened the spirits of many and made them feel less as Nigerians.
Lack of social amenities such as water and electricity, costly fuel, and lack of money have jointly exacerbate bearable condition and made people crazy and desperate in Nigeria.

In the recent data on corruption released by NBS, Nigerians stressed that after high cost of living and unemployment, corruption is third most important problem facing the country. What works in Nigeria? No good roads, hospitals are bad and this accounts for Mr. President’s medical tourism, Education is comatose and ASUU  still goes on strike fighting for the ruling class to release money for public education and not their pockets  alone
 Families are facing terrible moments as many breadwinners can not get bread for themselves let alone for their families.  Organisations are laying off workers. Over 29million Nigerians are unemployed increasing the rate of the jobless to about 14.2 percent.


But  political office holders, seem to have all they need and still manipulate the minds of the masses to actualise their goals. Some have started preparing for 2019 elections, preparibg to announce promises they can not keep. We cannot pretend that things are totally right in this land at the moment. But we know that this land will soar higher as always. We know that this land will stand tall as always. We know that the labours of our heroes past will not be in vain. We believe in this land,
This land is NIGERIA, the giant of Africa! Happy birthday Nigeria.

Thursday, September 21, 2017

5 INTERESTING FACTS THAT MAKES ABEOKUTA AWESOME


Abeokuta, the state capital of Ogun state in southwest Nigeria is one of Nigeria’s most industrious cities and is home to several caves and tourist attractions. Abeokuta is known for her peaceful nature, although in time past history tells the story of how war and battle rocked the land hence the story of the legendary Olumo rock and how the name Abeokuta came to be.

In this article, I will be mentioning in no particular order 5 things that makes Abeokuta awesome. Apart from the fact that it is the home of former president Olusegun Obasanjo , an influential being in Nigeria, it is also the home of Olumo rock and Ake palace, great historical places in the history of Nigeria. The first woman to drive a car in Nigeria , Funmilayo Ransome Kuti also hails from Abeokuta. If you have been referring to Abeokuta as a village and boring place to be, think again, Abeokuta might just be more important than you think it is

1.The first newspaper in Nigeria was started in Abeokuta.

Iwe Irohin newspaper was the first newspaper in Nigeria. It was started in 1859 by Henry Townsend in Abeokuta and it was produced for years, touching news on happenings , deaths, and other activities in the land. It is also the first indigenous language newspaper in Nigeria; it was published bi-weekly for 8years. Today, Iwe irohin house is still in Abeokuta.

2.It is the home of the first presidential library in Africa.

The Olusegun Obasanjo Presidential library (OOPL) in Abeokuta is the first presidential library in Nigeria and Africa. The multi billion naira library complex is owned by former president Olusegun Obasanjo. The library is historic and academic.

3.The Hilltop Golf Resort

The resort has a large beautiful and technical golf course which has hosted a number of national golf tournaments. It is in Abeokuta and  the scenery is beautiful and delightful.

4.The first church in Nigeria was built in Abeokuta

Yes! Although Christianity according to history was first taken to Benin in Nigeria, the first church ever built by missionaries in Nigeria is the St Peters cathedral Ake Abeokuta. The foundation was laid by Andrew Desalu Wilhem.
The Church is still there till today although a bigger Cathedral has been built beside it.

5.Abeokuta is the home of Adire, Batik and indigenous wears.

Ever seen beautiful adire, tie and dye or batik wears worn ? Abeokuta is its home. European textile merchants started importing these designs as shirting materials outside the Country years back, thereby strengthning the efforts and business of the Yoruba women in Abeokuta. Till today, if you want the best adire designs , get to Abeokuta.

Saturday, September 9, 2017

ITS RESUMPTION TIME..

Now that the holidays are over, are you prepared for the new session? Or would you rather extend your holidays? I remember years back when I was in secondary school, I used to anxiously wait for holidays to end majorly because I was missing most of my friends but when it's Sunday night, a night to resumption I begin to wish I can re-start the holidays. Funny isn't it? But isn't that how we sometimes live our lives? We prepare for success , study, plan and acquire knowledge but when its time to further, move ahead or launch into the next level we grow weary, lazy or even take it for granted.

As a student, no matter how much you hate the idea of resuming you find yourself resuming this Is because one way or the other you don't want to be left behind. You don't want your mates to leave you in the same level. So you move, against all odds you rise, no matter how tired, weary or uninterested you get you don't stop moving you take tests  and you write exams to enable you get promoted.
So why are you still stalling over that great move or idea you have? Why are you afraid to do that one thing you know will launch you into your next stage? We all have a discerning spirit that tells us when something is right or wrong. Prepare to resume to the next level, even if you don't see it yet ,you are going higher!

Monday, August 21, 2017

Atelophobia

There is this thing about feelings of self respect and regard, this same thing is what makes it possible for praise singers to make money from singing praises of individuals, this same thing makes it possible for beggars or party drummers (Alagbe) to get tokens. This feelings appeal to that emotional side of the human mind, that part of the brain connected to self worth and of course it makes you feel good, having a feeling of importance, self worth makes one feel really good. I wouldn’t necessarily call it self esteem but then it is something like it. This same feeling must definitely be responsible for the constant urge to succeed and be perfect. So yes we all have the tendency to be atelophobic but of course at different levels and intensity.
The first time I learnt about atelophobia, I realized this is a phobia that can affect anybody no matter your class or status. It’s the fear of failure or being imperfect, funny how one can have an extreme or irrational fear of or serious aversion to imperfection. The idea of imperfection is subjective in the sense that sometimes only the sufferer can detect imperfection in a situation while those around may not see it. Why should anyone feel obliged to be perfect at all times?  Sufferers of this phobia become anxious when they fail at something or don’t do a task well, they are constantly faced with fear of criticism , not matching up to expectations and they think that not being perfect will make them unhappy. When faced with thoughts of imperfection the individual experiences physical symptoms, headache, elevated heart rate, increased respiratory rate, sweating and generalized muscle tension. Believe me this is real. Unfortunately sufferers are mostly known to be intelligent and smart but the perfectionist and obsessive nature of their personality dominates thereby making them susceptible to this phobia. Worse still is the fact that this phobia is majorly born out of the sufferer’s thoughts and the symptoms and effects appears when these thoughts of not having a perfect idea or not being able to act perfectly in a situation appears.
Psychologists have traced its causes and roots to childhood and parent upbringing in some people. Most of us that were born in the 80s and 90s will bear witness of the fact that our parents always drive us to do more to ascertain perfection. Some parents keep comparing their children with others who seem like the perfect model, sometimes at occasions when it seems we’ve not acted ‘well behaved or perfect enough’ our mothers make faces at us or call us names or in some cases beat us when we get home.

All these are recorded in the cognitive domain and psycho motor domain. This increases the feelings of self consciousness in some people and the unnecessary quest to be perfect at all times. Truly our mothers had good intentions but then the brain works in funny ways. For other people its criticism, have you ever been terribly criticized such that you cried? Yes constant negative criticisms can be a fertile ground for atelophobia. It’s like a personal flaw which the sufferer battles secretly.


Having said all these, we all have personal flaws; no one is perfect or seemingly angelic. We all are human beings and we do not always know which way to go.  I am not saying we shouldn’t seek perfection in the things we do, but we must not make it an obsession, even patience is regarded as a Godly virtue. Things do not always happen the way we want it, but atelophobic or not, if we can just take life easy and calmly, setting priorities and achievable goals as well as practicing consistency against all odds or challenges, we will overcome and definitely reach our desired goals..

Monday, July 31, 2017

Taking bold steps...

Sometimes even when we’ve done our best, our best appears not enough. Not because it is our fault, not because we are not good enough but because some situations require more: more wisdom, more hands on deck, more courage and so on. But then we can only try, we still sometimes get it wrong. One of the mistakes we make as individuals is remaining in an unpalatable situation for too long. Especially when it's a sadistic employment. Let me tell you a bit about this type of employment which is of course typical in Nigeria today.
 Most  Sunday evenings are dreaded even if one wasn’t due for work until monday evening, that short time of rest which was rare and only on occasions could never compensate for the rigour of the job.  This type of job that causes female workers to suffer miscarriages at different times. Workers get sad and worried because they know it's going to be another week of harrowing experience at work, it was nightshift and everyone was expected to be active all night, no matter what you’ve gone through during the day. If you mistakenly bat your eyelids and any mistake or error occurs on the job, you will be queried and insulted. Not that day shift was any better, one thing is certain and general in this workplace, you had to work and work till you could no longer do tangible work for that day. The salary? Not commensurate to the job, incentives? They do not exist.  The way things are at this workplace, no one can  get management to fix things crucial and essential to the operations and functioning of the production company. It had taken them over months to get a clinic fixed to take of sick workers and emergencies which of course occurred daily at that workplace. Infact some workers whose job description don't even match medical aids are converted to first aiders and amateur nurses, there is virtually no good heath care for workers.
But the question is how easy is it to take a leap into the unknown? How many times have we remained in our gloomy dark days because of fear of the unknown? How many people can forgo their salary and take a dive into starting their own business? Not that as individuals we all have resources to stand on our own but then taking a leap of faith is better than remaining in the same level or meandering on the same point. If we begin to think of what to do to make more money or earn a living worry might set in. Handcrafts are good, one can make money from them or do it to occupy time but this is Nigera where almost everything hardly works, this things  couldn’t of course fetch  enough money which is why most individuals remain addicted to salary. Trying their best to cope, adapt and survive with all they face on the job. What of unnecessary termination of appointment? These kind of workplace sack workers without notice and for no particular reason. With a management that is epileptic and unreliable how does one expect or ex progress? A management who just like Nigerian politicians they were after the money.
perience

 In one organisation I once worked in, one of the executive directors had been in the factory , claiming to be monitoring and observing things. You know all these ‘money miss road’ semi illiterates who really didn’t know what was going on but claimed to do because one way or the other they have the money to call to the shots. So yes, money miss road executive was around in the factory, he had seen me and my partner on duty and he had asked the human resource manager who was also always in the factory because he was doing more than his job description as well, ‘who are they? , ‘what are they doing?” “can’t one of them do the work for all the lines?” Is their job so important’? lest I forget (I was a quality control officer). I didn’t quite get the HRM’s response, I had pretended not to be aware of what was going on really.

Almost a month after, three people from the department were told to go home. Several claims of customer complaints and errors during production were rumored as reason but of course you and I know why they were really sent home.

In Nigeria, asides from the fact that we have corruption as a background problem, some supporting problems we have are selfishness, greed and insensitivity. How on earth do we expect to belabor a worker with the job meant for three or more people yet expect perfection? Especially in a factory where almost every process is manual and not automatic? Yes your guess is right, new workers weren’t employed to replace the ones that left. Rather corp members were expected to work in the same capacity.

Unfortunately, as much as we have terrible leaders and inconsiderate people at the top, we have ass kissers who would rather suffer, accept evil and punish others people as well than face the truth.

Probably because Nigeria is such a scary place to live in, a place where even if you know the truth it doesn’t necessarily set you free rather it torments you and in most cases it puts you in danger.  But then some people are daring and allergic to evil against all odds.. Which is why you would believe me if I told you I had a few confrontations with so called bosses and ass kissers at some points. I would spare you details but one thing is certain, speaking the truth, confronting that which is wrong and unacceptable has never been a step to regret. No matter how slim the chances of you proving a point easily is, you would have at least sent a message across and sincerely keeping quiet and cowering away has never been a better option.

Having a boss or a leader who lies,  lacks wisdom and knowledge, tries to manipulate, verbally abuses, pretends to know what’s going on but has no single clue, a leader who likes to shift blame, insist on things done in his own way is also a common phenomenon in private organisations where most people find themselves. You definitely know things can never be right in such an environment.

I mustn’t forget to mention immorality which is usually at its peak. It is actually the norm in most factories and organizations today. You are either sleeping with the bosses as a junior worker whether willingly or by force or you are sleeping with your co worker, such that promotions, work benefits and ease at work came with this price. More irritating is the fact that if you are not one to dance to such tunes you would not only be angry and frustrated at work you will be cheated and treated with hatred.  Even if you know what you are doing and you are good at your work, your efforts might still get frustrated and of course they try as much as possible to overshadow your efforts with that of the one who rubs their back.

 Highlighted in this article is a few true life experiences. I do not intend to bore you with too many words, I have written this article to encourage someone out there never to remain in a sad and stagnant situation because of the little benefit attached.

Starting afresh, trying something different  is more  rewarding, even if you have to forgo your salary,  and you are not where you want to be yet, you will be glad that you are not where you used to be.

Thursday, June 22, 2017

Been long you saw me

I  know right, why haven't i posted here in a while? well I've been busy attending to some of  the responsibilities God gave me. I also had a wonderful time speaking to the students of my great Alma mater "ST BIRGITTAS NUR and PRY SCHOOL. I should of course share the wonderful  experience and some pictures here on the blog soon.
In recent times I've come to realize that we all get to certain points in our lives, where we are expected to take bold steps, which are of course orchestrated by God above just like every other step we find ourselves taking. nothing happens without God's prior knowledge.. and so in my next article TAKING BOLD STEPS , I will be revealing some of the bold steps i took and some real life occurrence that happened to me... watch out

Thursday, May 18, 2017

Uncertainty....

Uncertainty is an unknown information, unsure situation and a dicey circumstance. It's a condition in which most of us find ourselves in, in our journey through life. How often we experience Uncertainty depends on how daring, withdrawn or complacent we are. If we give in to uncertainty, we may make wrong decisions, taking the wrong turn and it may ruin things.

For every action there is an equal opposite reaction and for every challenge or unpleasant situation there is a solution. How do we act and overcome when faced with uncertainty?

* Since the reason you are uncertain in the first instance is because you do not know what to do, then do nothing... WAIT and be PATIENT. Do not make hasty decisions

* Weigh the situation, decide the things you can control and those you can't control in the circumstances.

* After separating them, put aside the things you can't control and focus on those you have control over.

* Weigh the advantages and disadvantages of making each decision appearing to you concerning the things you can control.

* Avoid being Paranoid, choose the wisest option

*Breathe and relax, in the end situations  are not as hard and complicated as they first appear.

* if you believe in Prayers, please pray.

This is a practical step that eventually works in different ways for different people, but it is my believe that taking gradual steps to solving issues eventually help get solutions faster and easier.

Thursday, April 20, 2017

Sango to Abeokuta ( The estranged driver)

I  knew I had to go home that day but time wasn’t on my side at all.My then workplace was one where you hardly got permission to get away from work, whether you had genuine reasons or not you have to be at work till closing hours, except of course you lie.

As at six thirty pm I had no means of transportation from work to the park. I was beginning to worry, anxiety had set in. But not long after , I saw a free bike coming towards passengers on the road not minding the amount that was likely to
be charged I got on the bike to the nearest bus stop. From there I took a bus to the Sango bus park. I boarded another bus to Sango by then it was few mins to 8pm and I knew it was going to be very dark before I get home. At Sango I was desperate to get a vehicle fast , I saw cars but there was no passenger in it so I took a bus which had space for one left. I felt lucky and got in thinking the bus would move in a twinkle of an eye. On sitting down I realized I had made a wrong choice, the seat was so uncomfortable and worst of all the bus refused to move. They kept sorting out dues to transport workers as is their usual practice. As I shifted and tried to feel a bit comfortable on the seat a voice in my head told me "wouldn’t you get down and find another vehicle?" As I contemplated on getting down the young man beside me , as if reading my thoughts adjusted and accommodated me, he even took the pain to enjoin others to make room for me I was grateful so I readjusted on my seat . The conductor came and I thought he was one of those young kids who had no tfare and wanted to manage as a stowaway in the bus. But “kekere” as he was called started demanding money from passengers. He was truly small like the name implied and I began to wonder what manner of human being makes a kid his conductor? It was sort of too late for me to get down the bus had already moved and kekere totally forgot to collect money from me, rather he offered me change. I looked at him and said “kekere, you haven’t collected my tfare and you are offering me change” as I handed him my transport fare the other passengers of the bus began to call him all manner of names and they thanked me for being honest. All these while the driver said nothing, kekere tapped him and called “kowope, take your money” he spoke in Yoruba and handed all the money to the man. “kowope” I thought within me what a name…..


It wasn’t long before my fears of having  boarded a wrong bus was confirmed. Kowope began to drive extremely slow, he was so slow such that people in the bus began to complain , a lot of comments were passed. Suddenly he stopped at a point near a bush, Kowope still didn’t say anything he got down from the driver seat,  poured water into the radiator which was already over heating. As much as people lamented , kowope said nothing. We got back in and continued the journey in the same sluggish manner despite time wasn’t on our side. Kowope still didn’t utter a word. I began to think he was dumb. kekere tried to warn the passengers in the bus silently , he looked at me and said to me in a hush hush voice in Yoruba” kowope isn’t well, he was overspeeding in the last journey we made” I looked at him as he was seating almost opposite me and I wondered what was he saying… this so called kowope guy is obviously a dumb sluggish man. I ignored the warning even though I wasn’t part of the complaints team. Then suddenly, Kowope got to a bend and he engaged the gear and only God knew where the speed came from.

He began to overspeed, it was already few minutes to 9pm and every where was dark there were a few  cars also ahead and kowope nearly ran into them. Everyone’s song changed in the bus, we began to plead with kowope to slow down . we were no longer in a hurry but kowope as usual heard nothing.

I began to say prayers in my heart , kowope started overtaking cars recklessly on the express, the young man seated beside me held on to his bag and kept mute.  He had a very stern look on his face such that I didn’t know if he was afraid or . The lady next to him was screaming Jehovah ! Jehovah !!  there was all manner of screaming from behind in the bus and just within a twinkle of an eye a miracle prevented Kowope from colliding with a trailer. Kekere sat there in front  of me,  a bit shaken but not a shaken as other passengers. It was dark but I saw that he had this “I told you so face”. He gently stood stretched across towards driver Kowope and rubbed his arm , he spoke in yoruba “ Kowope, its okay, we will soon be home.” Kowope was calm for the rest of the journey.

As each passenger got down at their bus stops they gave thanks to God for life. No one uttered any complaints again. Kowope uttered not a single word all through the journey. I got down at the final bus stop and said to myself, I have to write about this.

Note: This is a true life story, not every driver on the road is sane.

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