My KPMG test experience

The fear of being jobless is somewhat a common phenomenon especially in Nigeria, this is what prompted my constant job hunt discussions with one of my friends who was a guru when it came to job hunting. This is someone that can travel to the end of the world for job interviews or aptitude tests.

So when he mentioned KPMG, a part of me wanted to apply, a part of me wanted to decline but after much persuasions and encouragement, I decided to take a cue from him and try, I started the application process. It was tedious, the tedious nature of the application got me wondering “on top wetin?’’. But then I just continued giving the benefit of doubt.

After some days I was able to submit my application in a manner which was to me haphazardly but who cared? after all I wasn’t banking on it. Lo and behold I got invited for the test surprisingly but my joy turned to worry and despair when I saw the venue. A place I totally didn’t know in Lagos. To go or not to go?

Eventually the D-day came and I went. I woke up very early in the morning and I set out, a part of me was eager , another had feelings of uncertainty at the same time my stomach was rumbling, I had used the toilet twice that morning and felt I was ok. I had eaten vegetable soup the night before but I never imagined it could affect me. Having used the toilet twice I felt nothing would make me feel the urge again at least for the few hours I was going to be out. So I got in the bus to Lagos.
Hours after, stepping into Oshodi Lagos, I don’t know whether it was the anxiety of the exam I was going to write or the fact that I had walked around in circles before locating where the venue was situated, I started feeling a desperate urge to use the toilet. The urge was so intense that if not for the fact that I had an examination to write for a stated time I would have found a toilet nearby to use. But I kept holding it, managing my condition as time wasn’t on my side.
I got to the venue and saw thousands of young job seekers, all with either a first class or a second class upper. I even saw friends I knew from my former university, we greeted each other well. I began to lose the remaining hope I had concerning the job seeing the population. We got on queue and I almost cried, I had to endure this queue and the serious rumbling in my stomach and in my bumbum. By the time I was checked in and sat set at the computer about to start the e-exam, the excreta was set to come out of my buttocks.
I half listened to the instructions, I couldn’t hear a thing. All that kept going through my mind was how to get to a toilet and use. I half read the questions before choosing answers, as I clicked on the answers I knew I had no hope in that examination except a miracle happened. I couldn’t take it any longer on getting to question number 27, I raised up my hand and called the attention of one of the examiners. I told her I had to use the toilet, I understood the implications of doing that, I had to submit and walk out of the examination room when I had barely started. I thought to myself better to fail this examination than become public ridicule so I insisted on leaving. The examiner looked at me with pity on her face, she saw the sense of urgency in which I was in then she took my slip from me and led me to the female toilet. So as I let out the waste that had threatened to disgrace me earlier, I began to blame myself for all that had happened. As relieved as I was having used the toilet I felt disappointed, thinking I had messed up my opportunity.
As I made my way out of the building and straight to the car park to start my journey back home, several ‘’what ifs’’ kept coming . What if I had done this, what if I had done that. In the end I concluded that was the way God wanted it. Some minutes after in the bus on my way back home, I got pings from some of my friends whom I had run into at the examination venue. They gave me reports of how they had failed the examination honorably, who knew what the cut off mark was. It all boils down to the fact that job seeking in Nigeria is hard and these companies will try all sorts of discrepancies and cunningness to cut off job seekers and chose who they want. So in the end I hadn’t really messed up per say, what if I had finished the exam truly and still failed, besides I had taken bold steps, registering, going for the examination and submitting when I did. Truly I had learnt my lesson and I also hail myself for being smart about choices.