“What am I ever going to be good at? All my life I have always had to applaud others but no applause for me. I never get noticed, even when I’m noticed its by not so very important people like me. Will I ever make it big, will I get to the top of my career? Why can't I sing like Onome? Dance like Ekaette, be humorous like Yemi , be beautiful like Ola, act in dramas like Moni, captivate the audience with my wonderful speech like Cynthia? Write widely appreciated books and articles like Ibukun? Why? Is there something wrong with me?
I can't even lead my class in tests and exams, I can't cook perfectly like my sister, I cant even attract the right people. Why does someone have to beat me in everything I do? Was I born to be a mediocre? Or a lowlife? My life is so pathetic.
Twenty year old Mofe complained to her aunt. She had gone to spend her session holiday with her aunt. Her aunt who had noticed her behaviour asked her what was bothering her and what you just read was her outburst.
"Definitely Mofe you have not been feeling good about yourself and you still don’t. I want you to know that it is important you feel good about yourself no matter the circumstances. You complained about not being able to attract the right people, you definitely will attract the right people only when you feel good about yourself. This is because cheerful and positive attitude sends a signal to the environment that says I love myself and I love life, and this attracts lovely people and things into your life.
Moreover you have to have a goal. This helps you to work towards a mission, this further improves your self esteem because you possess this “I am important, “I am not just an ordinary person”, “I have a goal”, “I have a destination”, I am going to be this and that" vibe. This also makes you feel good about yourself. You also have to take actions towards your goal, visualize yourself, how you want your life to be . Repeating this also helps a great deal.
HOW CAN YOU ACHIEVE THIS?
First feeling good as to do with your thoughts, your thoughts decide whether you act positively or negatively. Your actions affect your emotions which affects your physical body. So this means that if you don’t feel good about yourself it affects your physical body as well as your thoughts. Your thought is affected by what is going on in your body.
The brain has a part to play in your thoughts too. You think with your mind and your mind is in the brain. Food sometimes affect the brain making it lose focus this affects positive thinking. Excessive eating is what makes the body gain extra fat. Extra fat as a way of making the individual who has it feel bad and think negative about his or herself. Exercise is one of the things that helps to reduce fat and increase the rate at which one feels good about his/herself.
Now my dear, the reason you spoke the way you did the other time is because your ego or your self esteem has been wounded. So this ego wounded self got addicted to negative thinking which makes you feel anxious and depressed. First you need to get over yourself, no matter what anyone as done to get you into this mood get over it. According to Virginia satir “we must not allow other people’s limited perception to define us. Our beliefs is a function of our thoughts, feelings and actions. Then you must begin to focus on good thoughts say this to yourself often &often.
I am important, fully competent and capable.
I am highly creative, intelligent, attractive, energetic, witty, smart, healthy, wealthy, wise.
I love myself unconditionally despite all my flaws.
I don’t rely on approval of others.
I am fun and exciting to be with
I am comfortable talking
I do not feel guilty about my desires
The more I like myself, the more others will like me. Mofe's aunt concluded...
