Feel Good

“What am I ever going to be good at? All my life I have always had to applaud others but no applause for me. I never get noticed, even when I’m noticed its by not so very important people like me. Will I ever make it big, will I get to the top of my career? Why can't I sing like Onome? Dance like Ekaette, be humorous like Yemi , be beautiful like Ola, act in dramas like Moni, captivate the audience with my wonderful speech like Cynthia? Write widely appreciated books and articles like Ibukun? Why? Is there something wrong with me?

I can't even lead my class in tests and exams, I can't cook perfectly like my sister, I cant even attract the right people. Why does someone have to beat me in everything I do? Was I born to be a mediocre?  Or a lowlife?  My life is so pathetic.

Twenty year old  Mofe complained to her aunt. She had gone to spend her session holiday with her aunt. Her aunt who had noticed her behaviour asked her what was bothering her and what you just read was her outburst.


"Definitely  Mofe  you have not been feeling good about yourself and you still don’t. I want you to know that it is important you feel good about yourself no matter the circumstances. You complained about not being able to attract the right people, you definitely will attract the right people only when you feel good about yourself. This is because cheerful and positive attitude sends a signal to the environment that says I love myself and I love life, and this attracts lovely people and things into your life.

Moreover you have to have a goal. This helps you to work towards  a mission, this further improves your self esteem because you possess  this “I am important, “I am not just an ordinary person”, “I have a goal”, “I have a destination”, I am going to be this and that" vibe. This also makes you feel good about yourself. You also have to take actions towards your goal, visualize yourself, how you want your life to be . Repeating  this also helps a great deal.

HOW CAN YOU ACHIEVE THIS?
First feeling good as to do with your thoughts, your thoughts  decide whether you act positively or negatively. Your actions affect your emotions which affects your physical body. So this means that if you don’t feel good about yourself it affects your physical body as well as your thoughts. Your thought is affected by what is going on in your body.

The brain has a part to play in your thoughts too. You think with your mind and your mind is in the brain. Food sometimes affect the brain making it lose focus this affects positive thinking. Excessive eating is what makes the body gain extra fat. Extra fat as a way of making the individual who has it feel bad and think negative about his or herself. Exercise is one of the things that helps to reduce fat and increase the rate at which  one feels good about his/herself.
Now my dear,  the reason you spoke the way you did the other  time is because your ego or your self esteem has been wounded. So this ego wounded self got addicted to negative thinking which makes you feel anxious and depressed. First you need to get over yourself, no matter what anyone as done to get you into this mood  get over it. According to Virginia satir “we must not allow other people’s limited perception to define us. Our beliefs is a function of our thoughts, feelings and actions. Then you must begin to focus on good thoughts say this to yourself often &often.


I am important, fully competent and capable.
I am highly creative, intelligent, attractive, energetic, witty, smart, healthy, wealthy, wise.
I love myself unconditionally despite all my flaws.
I don’t rely on approval of others.
I am fun and exciting to be with
I am comfortable talking
I do not feel guilty about my desires
The more I like myself, the more others will like me. Mofe's aunt concluded...

Yeepa!

So I decided to share one of my movie reviews for Nollysilverscreen here...

Title : Yeepa!
Genre : play/ drama
Director :  Niji Akanni
Year : 2014
MELODRAMATIC
 Yeepa! Is a filmed Tunde Kelani Play, a fusion of stage and film technique adapted from Femi Osofisan”s classic literature “who is afraid of Solarin” interpreted as Yeepa! Solarin nbo.
Without many locations and scenes, one can say this play is a tribute to the late Disciplinarian Tai Solarin but at the same time its an expose  on the level of moral decadence and corruption in the country. From the council chairman (Ropo Ewenla),  to the pastor with secrets (Ebun Oloyede olaiya) down to the various councilors. Their quests to bribe the public complaints commissioner and the manner in which  (Bayo Bankole) appeared as Isola Oriebora, the fake commissioner deceiving not only the councilors but the pastor”s innocent daughter cecilia all depicts this. Humor in the play, the funny cast names, Polycarp the semi- moron houseboy , well acted humor scenes by the trained nollywood actors and traditional theatre artistes all added to the overall success of the play.
Except for the imbecile councilor”s wife whose intruding  in the movie seemed to have been over done, the play is a perfect political x-ray of a corrupt country.

Handling embarrassments

“I was already midway my speech when I abruptly stopped, I had totally forgotten the next lines and it was to be recited offhand. The audience started clapping for me, deep down I knew they wanted me to get off the stage because they were young people mostly students and when they clapped like that, that is exactly what they mean especially when it was accompanied with laughter and jeers. After stuttering for about 2mins, I gave up and climbed down from the podium. That was my first speech to an audience of young people and I had never been more embarrassed my whole life”. Tara says.
When Femi was called to speak in front of the whole congregation at a campus fellowship he didn’t know his trouser’s zip had worn out and his underwear were revealing. It was when an usher came to whisper in his ears that he knew the reason for the congregation’s chuckles. Femi confessed how embarrassed he was.

To be embarrassed is to be disgraced, ashamed, nervous or uncomfortable in a social situation especially when it involves a large number of people. Shy people are more embarrassed than their counterparts. Being shy is another issue entirely which would be discussed later. But a lot of people believe that being shy is being modest, you don’t want to come out of your shell you like to be hidden so that no one will see you and condemn you, sorry to burst your bubble but no! Being shy doesn’t portray you as modest but as selfish. When you are shy all your feelings, emotions and actions are revolving around you, what you feel, think and what other people say about you. Being shy makes you concentrate more on your weaknesses and what other people will say about them. This brings me back to embarrassment. The reason we feel embarrassed when something unusual happens to us its because we think of how other people who witness it react to it and what they say about the situation. We also think of how much its going to affect our self esteem even our ego.

Some people even go about months after still carrying the image of how they were embarrassed in their heads so that when someone acts funny towards them they think “oh why won’t he do that to me when he obviously saw my show of shame” then they go over self pity, depression, self condemnation all over again.
How can we then handle embarrassment? Truth is embarrassing situations will always come, especially when you are moving up the ladder of success only stagnant people never get embarrassed . Besides , being stagnant is embarrassing. The best thing to do as recommended by a psychologist is to do what others around you are doing at that moment

LAUGH. Laugh with them, even when they are not laughing just laugh all the same at yourself. Humour is the best weapon to use. You could also do yourself good by avoiding potential embarrassing situations for example if you know you will be embarrassed if a man sees your underwear, do not spread it where he will see it.
You should also correct yourself immediately or change the subject. if someone jests you, do not argue or allow it get to you, shrug it off, remember it will definitely pass away and be forgotten.

We all have our experiences and a lot of moments we’ve been embarrassed. But that is a pointer to the fact that we are alive, growing and moving forward. The way we handle embarrassments determine how well we grow and how far we go.

Interview with an amazing corper

She actually didn’t tell me her name, I stole it… I was sitting at the pavilion in my camp waiting to know what food was to be served before deciding if I was going to eat, when she approached me with her food flask and asked if she could sit by me. Earlier on I’d been seeing some of them on camp, I kept wondering if they were on assignment on camp or if NYSC removed the age bar. Anyway I got into conversation with Tagwai Stella, she was reluctant at first but later felt free with me I know I should have told her from the onset that I was interviewing her, anyway she caught me along the line and she asked if I was a journalist. I could only laugh, Nonetheless here is what she had to say.





Stella: I’m from Benue state, I studied public administration and I have children but I wont tell you how many. (laughs)
Browny: even if you tell me you are 30, I know that you are above 30 so can you tell me why you decided to come for this orientation programme not minding the age barrier?
Stella: yes, you are right. I’m already working but I discovered that wherever I go in search of a better offer they ask me for my NYSC discharge certificate. So I realize that its something I need.


Browny: you were allowed to go through this programme despite your age, did anyone disturb you or collect any payment from you for this?
Stella: no o, not at all.
Browny: how did your family I mean your husband and children take this decision of yours?
Stella: well, they took it well, they encouraged me, they are happy I took the step to achieve what I want.


Browny: how do you feel in the midst of very young people, I don’t know the age of your children since you have refused to say, but I know that being in the midst of people as young as these and going through the same activities with them can be a bit awkward
Stella: well, I like it. I do everything, I m in no 5 platoon. I march, I dance, I do the morning drills. The soldiers even commend me. I have young friends too. Besides I m not the only grown up here, I m sure you have seen some others too. (she looks around and points to a man who obviously is more than 30yrs of age, with potbelly walking away) he is one of us.
Browny: do you get tired of the activities, aren’t they too stressful? How do you cope with the weather?
Stella: well, I do get tired, but I have gotten used to it. I am also used to the weather, I married a plateau man.(smiling). Besides most times on the queue they attend to me first. They give me chance to do my own things first so that I don’t have to queue for too long.

Browny: what is it about the young people in this camp that you do not like?
Stella: the immorality and the nasty behavior, I am going to warn my children against such when they go for their mandatory youth service. Its too much and sad.
Browny; what has been your greatest challenge here so far?
Stella: well, it is the change of environment and routine. Having to wake up early. I had to adapt here, I don’t know if I will be able to go back to my normal life when I go back home.



Browny: you definitely will. it has been nice chatting with you, I really admire your courage, coming back for this orientation program at this stage, most women cannot do this, after children. Will you let me take a picture of you?
Stella: thank you too. No oo, no picture o (laughing)…

CHEFS

When the social director of my platoon asked me to write about chefs, here is what came to mind...
When I was younger, I hated cooking, being the last daughter didn’t help matters which is why up till now I respect good cooks and I see chefs as awesome. Becoming a chef means you love to cook so much that you make it a profession, I must say the path is not easy, it involves long hours, physical labour and sometimes risks.


Especially when you are cooking something new or trying out new ingredients.
Most chefs begin from home, they cook different delicacies as try outs until they become confident, some cook for other people first on a small scale, till they gain grounds. A lot of factors affect the work of a chef, the final taste and outcome as well. One of the hidden factors is mood. I learnt from experience and people’s testimony that one’s mood before and when cooking affects the taste of the meal. Although everyone has their own distinct taste and no matter how much you try to taste like someone you still have your own taste, the mood plays a role in it. But the good thing is as long as your taste is good and acceptable you are already on your way to becoming a good chef.


During my industrial training in Nestle Nigeria Agbara factory, I was opportuned to enter into one of the kitchens and take microbiological samples for analysis. I encountered some chefs who were skilled in both international and local dishes, many of them had been chefs for years and were already used to the act of cooking and decorating dishes well. This brings me to the conclusion that becoming a good chef is about continuous practice, will and desire to become better.

You are not a failure!

My second week on camp, I was beginning to feel totally useless, having being denied by the popular OBS (Orientation broadcasting service) an opportunity to showcase my talent and be useful for 3weeks on camp, a writing competition which I was supposed to participate in cancelled and worst of all, rejected in the volleyball team. I was told that I had weak fingers and my height wasn’t good enough, I couldn’t feel any more useless. But just as I lamented to close friends and thought God was deliberately hiding me, I realized that, the fact that I was denied an opportunity to showcase doesn’t mean I couldn’t be heard or seen. So I went ahead to write this short piece and submitted to my platoon leader for morning meditation.

“Becoming successful is the desire of everyone. Even though they say success is 90% perspiration and 10% inspiration, success remains a thing of the mind. It is a conscious determination and will to do well. As they say when there is a will, there is a way. Having this at the back of our minds and working towards it gives the assurance of good success. But may I remind you that even in our life’s journey our determination, hardwork and persistence still get threatened by evil critics, envious people, some dream killer, negative attitudes are not left out. Challenges we are likely to face on the way are like checkpoints on our way to success, always remember that not every criticism is positive and aimed at improving you, discern the negativities in and around you at each stage of your life and do away with them. Hold on to your goals and aspirations, wake up and bring your dreams to reality. Remember that successful people remain persistent and positive.

Even though it wasn’t read out as usual, I had done something. Afterwards some platoon members started approaching me concerning writing for them and how to write. I was particularly happy that I was able to write outside of my comfort zone. My point exactly? If life gives you lemon make lemonades, make the good you can out of every situation. No matter what anybody says or do, you are not a failure!

Back!!!

Hi! First accept my apologies for leaving abruptly and not posting all these while. I don't totally have an excuse but I had to heed the clarion call. to crown it all I found myself having to go to a state on the hill (Plateau). I've had to battle the different responses I got from people, different reactions as well but in the end I had to go. I'm glad I did actually, the experience is priceless, now that I have seen the middle belt and northern Nigeria,I have more things to say about this country. Expect articles on these and lots more in the weeks to come.

I also plan to share my camp experience, an interview I secretly held with an overaged, zealous camper as well. In the meantime relax, tutorial articles will continue, living off campus series ends and a new story series will begin. Thanks for visiting the blog...

Whats in a name?

A name is an identity indicator, a name is a pointer to several things, it can provide certain information about the bearer. when asked, most individuals declare that they were named after a specific person, interest, occurrence or period.
The name Nigeria, as named by flora Shaw was inspired by the river Niger running through the country. The name was coined from “Niger” and “area”. According to research , the origin of the name Niger is uncertain and this originally applied only to the middle reaches of the Niger river. One would have thought that since Nigeria was named by a british citizen and after a lone river, by independence her name would have been re-coined considering the country’s expanse of land. Also considering the myth about a name being the reason for actions of the bearer, which has been proven by certain myth followers.

Although the holy book supports the fact that a name truly has a lot to do in the life of the bearer but a myth as it is classified, is said to be an imaginary story or event , taken to be true, what then can be said about the activities and happenings in Nigeria with respect to the name? do we now agree that Nigeria is finding it hard to successfully expand or increase in unity because its named was coined from a river?

Nigeria popularly referred to as the giant of Africa has overtime found it hard to sustain lasting unity, security and wealth amongst its people. From the inter tribal wars to the religious wars, corrupt practices, price hikes and now terrorist attacks. Nigeria keeps wallowing in the river of pain, struggle, lack, fear, limitations and poverty despite all odds.
on the other hand, a river indicates peace, except in turbulent waves a river is often regarded as peaceful. A river expands and enters into other rivers and into the sea. A river brings fresh air, soothing breeze and refreshment when pure. So whether the name

Nigeria has had a negative effect on its bearers or not there is still hope for liberty and peace. As a people,name or no name, we need to re-define Nigeria, show the true meaning of Nigeria, not the Nigeria on a map, or the Nigeria in the news, but a Nigeria in our hearts, a dream that can come to fruition, a beautiful place, where intelligent people work hand in hand to make life a better place for all. We need to spark up the lost hope, hope for this country again. Once the storm is calmed the peace and refreshing times will be restored.

Squash video

Watch few minutes of squash

Tutorial 3: How to play squash

Yes we are discussing sports, remember this tutorial series is not stereotyped to a particular line, genre or format. It’s a series of teachings on different useful vocational and non- vocational skills. This week having realized how much interest sport lovers are showing towards the sport name squash and realizing that a handful of people hardly know about the sport, I decided to talk to a sportsman who is known for his squash playing prowess. Here is what he said:

I started playing squash because I wasn’t a fan of team sports, I like sports that you play individually, you win or lose , you know its your fault not anybody’s. Asides that ,the game of squash has a lot of health and social benefits.
It improves cardiovascular health, the game can see you running, diving, lounging and leaping for the ball
It increases strength, fitness, flexibility, good eye and body coordination and agility
Gives greater confidence, opportunity to make new friends, improve concentration as well as releases stress

A lot of people ask me for the secrets to becoming an excellent player and I share with them the tips below:

Plan to play well : you don’t just say it , you plan and work towards it like every other good thing in life. Prepare for about 4-6 weeks before matches, during the first 2weeks do lots of on and off court routines for aerobic fitness. E.g on bikes, weight lifting, leg work for power around the court and upper body work to keep being symmetrical
Be consistent, get into a routine : don’t just wander through your training routines, get into a routine, know what you are doing and workout what you want to achieve in a training session

Use your basic practices to groove and improve your shots. Make time for this perhaps before you play. Concentrate on doing a few practices
My basic practice is the BOAST & DRIVE routine :
Starting from the front of the court, concentrate first on striking the ball
Turning my shoulders, staying away from the ball and making sure I open the racket face and hit the ball sweetly just in front of my front leg
After hitting, movement back to the T is crucial so that you can practice positioning for the next shot. Practice getting in the right place for your shot and try to eliminate casual shots.

Well, I hope this article has been helpful especially for squash players and if by chance you stumble on this article and you get interested , its an indoor game played with a squash ball, squash racket, squash shoe sportwears in a squash court. I will upload a video on squash immediately after this tutorial. Other types of sports and games will be discussed in the subsequent tutorials.

Living off campus 11

I rushed out and I learnt that the university had become interested in the robbery case and had requested to interrogate us, as news of houses being burgled had become too frequent and since in our case the policemen suspected a foul play amongst the housemates. I didn’t like the sound of it, I’ve never had any reason to be involved with the university security officers or the senate, although a part of me was a bit at rest, knowing that I was no thief and I had no link with any thief. But to say my housemates were alarmed and scared is an understatement. Serious panicking, the information asked us to report first thing in the morning to the university senate house everyone of us living in that house.

Truly we all went, whenever anyone had issues with the university, all your records till date had to be reviewed. This was how I found out that, AK who we thought was in 300l, just got admitted into 100l and he had been living in the house for about 2yrs, more shocking was the fact that Bukky had series of carryovers and was as good as still in 200l despite being in 400l and was also on probation, the verge of expulsion. Ronald, Doyin”s boyfriend, got into more trouble as the university wanted to know the source of his wealth since he was just a part time student. Our rooms were searched and weed was found in AK’s room, Ronald who rumour had been going round about his involvement in internet scam was handed over to the police alongside AK.

We the others were let go as we had no incriminating evidence. About a week after, Laura who had finally broken up with Wole returned home in a hurry. She rushed to my room and started to talk excitedly. Laura had been running a background check on Wole since he openly embarrassed her and brought in another lady and through her “investigations” found out that Wole had visited some of his irresponsible friends earlier before the robbery and had been introduced to strong indian hemp and other intoxicating drugs and drinks. He had been out of his mind and had revealed how much he recently made from internet scam alongside Ronald, who and who had expensive things in the house, how stupid and troublesome Laura was and how he couldn’t wait to get rid off her. He had divulged all of these information openly and unconsciously and these friends had organized the robbery.

They knew AK personally so his room wasn’t burgled .
Now that Laura knew the truth, how will the truth be told to the right authorities and the robbers apprehended? who was ready to bell the cat?